It seems like all day Sunday I try to hold back the tears I know are eventually going to come at the end of the day. Some of them are tears of joy, but mostly tears of sadness. It makes me so happy to see Trevor holding Kaydance and just loving her like he does. That's when I have some of those tears of joy. And then when it finally comes time for him to leave, it's like I can't help myself. I can't hold it back any longer and I just weep. I hate having a tear streaked face and a snotty nose as the last thing Trevor sees as he's walking out the door, but I can't bring myself to be happy in that moment and smile. I'm not glad that he's leaving; I'm not glad to be starting another week alone. I always feel overwhelmed thinking about everything I have to do that week. I feel stressed out before the days even start. School is the biggest thing because I never want to study when I get home from school. And although I don't want to, when I do, I usually just fall asleep reading or end up taking care of a crying baby who I never get to see all day. And then on the weekends I don't do any studying because I want to spend every minute with Trevor and Kaydance. Then there's more stress about the fact that I have to take care of the house and Kaydance, oh yeah, and myself. Sometimes I forget that last part. Between school and homework, housework and Kaydance, I just forget to take care of me. Luckily I have awesome family, friends and visiting teachers who bring me dinner and always ask how I'm doing. I couldn't do it without them.
I know this post is kind of random, but I had to get my feelings out. I'm not asking for sympathy, (although it might be appreciated), I just need to vent.
On a lighter note, here are a few more pictures of the little one:
4 comments:
Oh Sarah! You're breaking my heart! And it's not even half way through September! We pray for you and put your name on the prayer roll in the temple.
New motherhood was the hardest thing I ever watched Jaicee go through, and that was AFTER she quit school and work to be a full-time mom. I just don't know how you're doing it. It just doesn't seem right for you to be doing this all alone...
We'll keep praying for you.
She is just growing sooo fast!! ahhh how fun and cuddly!
I know what its like having your husband gone alot....you just have to remember, it wont be like that forever :)
Hey Sarah, it's Jaicee. I wish I could be there for you and help take care of Kaydance and the house! I would totally do it in a heartbeat. I'm glad that you've got people to help out.
We're so excited to see you guys this weekend! Just hang in there!
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