Crying that is. At least for me. I'm starting to dislike Sundays a little bit now-a-days. I have always loved going to church and taking Sunday naps and eating big Sunday afternoon dinners, but lately, that just hasn't been the case. I still love church, but we seem to miss out on the naps and dinner a lot just so we have a few more waking moments together before Trevor has to leave.
It seems like all day Sunday I try to hold back the tears I know are eventually going to come at the end of the day. Some of them are tears of joy, but mostly tears of sadness. It makes me so happy to see Trevor holding Kaydance and just loving her like he does. That's when I have some of those tears of joy. And then when it finally comes time for him to leave, it's like I can't help myself. I can't hold it back any longer and I just weep. I hate having a tear streaked face and a snotty nose as the last thing Trevor sees as he's walking out the door, but I can't bring myself to be happy in that moment and smile. I'm not glad that he's leaving; I'm not glad to be starting another week alone. I always feel overwhelmed thinking about everything I have to do that week. I feel stressed out before the days even start. School is the biggest thing because I never want to study when I get home from school. And although I don't want to, when I do, I usually just fall asleep reading or end up taking care of a crying baby who I never get to see all day. And then on the weekends I don't do any studying because I want to spend every minute with Trevor and Kaydance. Then there's more stress about the fact that I have to take care of the house and Kaydance, oh yeah, and myself. Sometimes I forget that last part. Between school and homework, housework and Kaydance, I just forget to take care of me. Luckily I have awesome family, friends and visiting teachers who bring me dinner and always ask how I'm doing. I couldn't do it without them.
I know this post is kind of random, but I had to get my feelings out. I'm not asking for sympathy, (although it might be appreciated), I just need to vent.
On a lighter note, here are a few more pictures of the little one:
Malia's Birth Story
3 weeks ago